Confessions of a chubby Mom

I went for my annual exam and got weighed today. On my way there, I prayed that God would comfort me and fill me. I have been trying to lose weight for so long, I can't even remember a time I was NOT trying to lose weight. I don't say that lightly. I'm not one of those people who say they are health nuts, or are dieting and then eat donuts for breakfast. I watch everything I eat. I even changed from being vegetarian to eating high protein. Which I don't like. I don't like eating animal flesh. Yet I am doing anyway. I exercise faithfully. I even enjoy it. But today, I got weighed. I was measured, and found wanting. I have gained 7 lbs since last year. The enemy is wreaking havoc on me now. "You are fat. You are unattractive. You are stupid to think you would be lighter this time." I know that my identity is in Christ and Christ alone, but why does this weight thing hurt so much? Why is it so important to me? Why does it occupy so much of my thought life? Why won't this struggle just go away? Why can't I be OK with being in my own skin? Why do I compare myself to my younger self? How can my head know that being 20 lbs heavier than I'd like is no big deal? There are much bigger weight issues in the world. But my heart doesn't know it's not a big deal. I don't even want to accept me chubby, I only want a me that's thin. And the thinner the better. The quicker the better. Gotta go, gonna see what time the Zumba class is at the gym.