copied from one of my cyber friends web posts...

> Dear Families,>> We've never posted, but do stay in the group and read info that comes from> the many folks who are also involved. We have 4 kids adopted from Ethiopia,> as well as 2 older bio kids, and the last one who came to us just about 1> year ago is HIV positive. The other three (came over the last 9 years) are> quite healthy, but HIV is not the thing we struggle with the most, by any> means. We struggle with our son's attachment disorder- really a huge issue> and one that is hard to get good information on and continues to be tricky> at school, in the family setting, etc. etc. We struggle with one of our> daughter's PTSD- every few months she decides she is sick and probably> dying, and curls up in a little ball and shakes and wails for hours or days,> and very little can bring her out of it.>> Before we got our final child we were most anxious about the idea of HIV,> and read everything we could get our hands on and talked to experts and> other parents and felt very intimidated by the idea, the stigma, the> prejudices in the community, etc. etc. Once she came and we figured out the> whole drugs thing, the restrictions (if any), the facts, it receded into the> background and the business of everyday living with 4 unusual kids in the> house, all with different needs and wants and capacities took the forefront.>>> Without sugar-coating the subject, I can tell you truthfully that our four> youngest are just human beings, infinitely interesting, always challenging,> and sometimes frustrating. We love them all dearly, and have very different> expectations for each of them. They are such individuals- just as our older> two kids were.>> I have been thinking about the whole question of "point-of-view" a lot> recently. People often ask us if our kids are hard, if they take extra care> and attention and knowledge to raise. I think people tend to look at the> children and think "can I manage that particular child?" "Do I want to add> that child to my family?" "Will that child be able to fit into our family?"> "Is that child someone I can love?" For me at least, that point of view is> totally backwards. I think a parent had better be very realistic and be> saying to themselves "Am I up for this task?" "Can I be non-judgmental> enough to accept a child, with all of her difficulties and vagaries?" "Am I> ready to drop my traditional expectations?" "Will I be up to the task when> the school calls 3x in a week, I have a cold, and I just want to make> brownies and not worry about what he will do on the playground this week?">> Rather then looking at the kids and asking "Can I love and handle those> kids?" I think we all better ask ourselves "Am I ready for anything? Am I> up to the task? Do I have endless energy and an inexhaustible store of> nurturing left in me?" The parents I know who have done the very best with> adoptions, especially of unusual or special needs kids, are the ones who> truly challenge themselves, and don't expect the kids to be other than who> they are. The old adage that we can only be responsible for ourselves, and> we can first effect change in ourselves, is so true. Many times I would> have liked to change my kids- say something particularly witty or quick, and> bounce them into a different zone. Or take an action which sets them> straight. I need to continually remind myself that I might be able to steer> things a bit with the kids, but it is me I can really effect. This isn't> easy! I'd rather be able to roll up my sleeves and work on my kids until I> had changed them, molded them into happier, more successful, healthier> beings. But it doesn't work that way.>> Just some thoughts I thought I'd share today.>> Yours in snowy Colorado