"How can there be too many children? It's like saying there are too many flowers." Mother Theresa

Friday, April 10, 2009

Confessions of a chubby Mom



I went for my annual exam and got weighed today. On my way there, I prayed that God would comfort me and fill me. I have been trying to lose weight for so long, I can't even remember a time I was NOT trying to lose weight. I don't say that lightly. I'm not one of those people who say they are health nuts, or are dieting and then eat donuts for breakfast. I watch everything I eat. I even changed from being vegetarian to eating high protein. Which I don't like. I don't like eating animal flesh. Yet I am doing anyway. I exercise faithfully. I even enjoy it. But today, I got weighed. I was measured, and found wanting. I have gained 7 lbs since last year. The enemy is wreaking havoc on me now. "You are fat. You are unattractive. You are stupid to think you would be lighter this time." I know that my identity is in Christ and Christ alone, but why does this weight thing hurt so much? Why is it so important to me? Why does it occupy so much of my thought life? Why won't this struggle just go away? Why can't I be OK with being in my own skin? Why do I compare myself to my younger self? How can my head know that being 20 lbs heavier than I'd like is no big deal? There are much bigger weight issues in the world. But my heart doesn't know it's not a big deal. I don't even want to accept me chubby, I only want a me that's thin. And the thinner the better. The quicker the better. Gotta go, gonna see what time the Zumba class is at the gym.

6 comments:

Rebecca said...

You are a beautiful woman and don't let anything make you feel differently.

Rebecca

Chantelle said...

Oh do I ever relate. (only I need to lose faaaaaaaaar more than 20 lbs.) I'm sorry. SO many us feel your pain! I think you look great 'as is' though!

Lori said...

I have no idea what you even look like - much less how much you weigh...I only know your HEART and it is LOVELY!
I can totally identify with the preoccupation with weight...and I will pray that BOTH of us will be freed from it.
OXOXO
Lori Smith

Thankfulmom said...

I could have written this post myself. I truly feel your pain as I struggle in some of the same areas.

Thank you for sharing.

Lisa

Redeemedmama said...

God wants to use you in this ministry. There are so many women who won't even attend church because they consider themselves ugly because of excess pounds. This is another trick of the enemy. You be your beautiful self, and proclaim how God has always loved you, and witness on sister. Best wishes on your new family. Our waiting daughter is currently at Soddo. Tammy

Leslie said...

I know I don't know you, but I am at Tony's church and I look at your blog occaisionally. I just have to tell you that you are beautiful and your family story is amazing.

Can I try to encourage you for just a sec?

I know a lady that only eats 600calories a day to keep the figure she has had for 40years. That is some kind of bondage, huh? Eating that few calories to keep her body at a weight that her body DOESN'T need to be at. I hope that you will not allow the enemy to bind you in this area!! Give thanks to the Lord, for you are fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are His works, and I hope your soul knows it full well. Psalm 139:14